confession
by oh-no-you-dont
Summary: Sherlock was first to break the silence "You don't approve of my behavior, nor you think it was necessary." he informed flatly. "Sherlock, killing him wasn't unavoidable." Establish relationship. Just one scene after a case that went wrong.


Heavy silence was filling their living room, the only thing John could hear was the sound of boiling water. Putting the kettle on was the first thing he did after returning to the flat, partly because he wanted to escape from Sherlock for a few seconds as he still didn't trust himself with not saying or doing something unnecessary, and partly because there was nothing like a hot cup of tea to shoot his nerves. And after today's events he surely needed his nerves to be soothed.

John was standing in the doorframe between the kitchen and the living room and was looking at his flat mate. Sherlock who sit motionless in his armchair was staring back at him. The atmosphere was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, even the air felt uncomfortable sticky.

Sherlock was first to break the silence "You don't approve of my behavior, nor you think it was necessary." he informed flatly.

John knew they have to have this conversation after what happened not so long as few hours ago, that was for sure. He wasn't certain he was prepared to have it though. He wasn't even certain that there was any way to get prepared for it, ever. But there was no backing off now. He took a deep breath "Yes. There were other alternatives.".

"No. There weren't." Sherlock said firmly. His words cut the air.

Cool thrill went down John's spine at the memory of cold, almost black eyes of his best friend staring right past him. All this unspoken emotions and anger storming straight towards the man who was standing behind him and holding knife next to his throat. Then the wheezing sound of bullet passing by that he knew way too well. John had to close his eyes for a second "Sherlock, killing him wasn't unavoidable."

"Yes, it was." said his flat mate vigorously "It was foredoomed the very second he threaten you." Sherlock voice was as cold as John ever heard it.

"Surely you could saw that there was no immediate danger." John tried again, he was not going to drop it that easily. He didn't judge Sherlock's decision, how could he. If their places were changed he would do the same. If he had to. But the decision, it had been made too soon. They still had had time, hadn't they?

"That didn't matter at the time." was the answer he got.

"And how exactly did that not matter?" annoyance slipped through John's words. He was losing his patient faster than he thought he would.

"I couldn't risk it."

The army doctor frowned "Risk what?"

Sherlock hesitated for a second but maintained the eye contact "Being wrong."

"You're never wrong." John responded automatically.

"I'm flattered John, but you can never be one hundred per cent sure. Under stress people stop behaving predictable. Can change their mind in a fraction of a second. I wouldn't be able to do anything." when Sherlock spoke the last part he looked like even saying it out loud was making him feel sick, let alone facing such situation.

"But he wasn't-"

Sherlock growled in irritation "Why can't you see-"

"See what?" John snaps angrily.

For a few seconds Sherlock was just staring at him like he couldn't believe in John's ignorance. "How valuable you are. To me. _You_ are essential to my existence."

John stared blankly at him. He wasn't expecting this kind of confession. It was not that he didn't know how Sherlock felt about him, but his friend wasn't a man of words. There were very few times when he spoke about his fillings, what was important was that he was showing his affection every day. Then it hit John how bad Sherlock must had taken that situation if it was making him so agitated. But before he had a chance to collect himself Sherlock continued.

"He said he would take you away from me. He said his was going to kill you and I couldn't have that. Loosing you is not an option. How can you not understand-" Sherlock stopped and took a slow calming breath.

"I did what I had to, and I will do it again if circumstances calls for it." his voice was low, deep and firm. John looked straight into Sherlock's eyes and he could saw the darkness that hides there and the truth of the words he said.

John have never been more sure of Sherlock's words before.


End file.
